I will be back, just not right now…

I have needed to update my readers for awhile, but waited because every single day, I’d think my husband would recover, return home, and our normal life would resume. My website basically was closed these last months as far as answering emails or sewing for survivors. But, my husband never got to return home after a trip to the emergency room in early December.
He tried bravely for well over five hospitalized months to recover, and I was there with him averaging 12 hours a day, often more, for approximately 160 DAYS. He had many complications arise due to the Lymphoma originally caused by Humira injections taken for years for his Rheumatoid Arthritis. He miraculously survived each and every crisis that came along, until the end.
That, and the story of how he was additionally harmed by dozens of medical errors as well, would make quite a movie, but who would believe it. It was far beyond what anyone could possibly imagine. There were also specialists who did amazing jobs of caring for him and bringing him back to better health after each crisis, and I will forever be grateful for what they did, giving us more time together and hope. Two were brilliant women, one in particular should have a movie written just about HER. There aren’t enough words to do her justice.
The end result though is that just days after we reached our 40th wedding anniversary, while still in the hospital but having just made arrangements to bring him home, his dear heart gave out and he spent his last 3 days unconscious in ICU. He passed gently away on May 19th while I whispered ‘I love you’ in his ear over and over and held his hand. Half my own heart left me that moment.
I am not abandoning you, dear survivors, but after all these months without a break, I need a rest to recover. It’s hard to learn how to start life over, without your best friend there to hold your hand anymore, but I’ll do it with God’s help.
As you survivors know, living through breast cancer is tough, likely the toughest thing you’ve done… but after you have already done that, you begin to realize that you can probably survive almost anything you never thought you could. God willing, I am going to try to get through this next few days or weeks, and I’ll be back.

14 thoughts on “I will be back, just not right now…

  1. Vicki M.


    You have been and will be in my thoughts and prayers. May you fund peace and comfort in remembering the joyful days you did have with your husband. There must have been many of those in 40 years!

    Thank you for all you do for us survivors (you changed my life in a hugely positive way.) we hope to see you back in action soon.

    Warm Hugs,
    Vicki Munro

  2. Pat Skene

    Oh Mary, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ve been through an unimaginable process with your dear husband. I hope your memories will help to ease the pain as time goes by. One step at a time.

  3. Kathy Morris

    Mary-I’m so sorry to read this sad news. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I often think of the sweet lady who helped me find options after my mastectomy 4 years ago. Take care and may God comfort you as you rest and recover.

  4. Pat

    OMG  I am SO SO SORRY to hear about your husband passing.. I can’t imagine what you have been through!!  You are a extremely tough lady!!! You are so strong through it all. You are in my prayers. God will help you.. Looking forward to hearing from you again soon. Stay well.


  5. Laura

    My heart and prayers with you. Take a the you need to grieve and readjust to life without your dear stand. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.

  6. Ida Sumpter

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Praying God will give you peace and comfort during this time

  7. Gail Herlinger

    My heart goes out to you! I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. You are a survivor in many ways. I hope you take all the time you need to recover and that your memories of the good times with your husband sustain you. Many thoughts are coming your way from the many survivors that you have helped. Hugs & good vibes to you and yours!!

  8. Alice Schroeder

    Dear Mary,
    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. What a blow. We survivors miss you and your wonderful work, but please do what you need to recover. Are thoughts and hearts are with you.

    With many hugs and much sympathy,


  9. Pamela Lord

    Dear Mary,
    I just learned of the loss of your husband. Please know that I so appreciate the information you have provided on your website. I hope that when you regain your strength you will rejoin the fight to help all survivors to keep surviving. You are strong, you are intelligent, you do good things. Bless you as your journey through this very difficult time.

  10. lindarobinson4

    I have just come across your website whilst researching information on pockets for bras and in particular on how to make them.
    Your post is brilliant and helped me no end as well as being positive and uplifting.
    I had a right mastectomy last week and so am on a steep learning curve with recovery and practical advice. I am from North Devon in the U.K.
    I have now read about the sad loss of your husband. My husband and I have just celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary and I cherish every moment together. I can’t imagine what you have been through but just wanted to send you love and let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. Marilyn Roy

    So sorry your husband lost his long battle. You deserve to rest & recover in your own time.
    My recent mastectomy brought me to your sight & I am encouraged by all you have done to help others. I am now attempting to make my own prostheses according to your instructions. Thank you for your delightful insights. I do hope you are feeling much better.


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